Balancing Have With Give
I have been coaching my heart out lately.
I have a full roster of clients that span the gamut from new entrepreneurs working on building sustainable businesses to people who have reached their golden years and feel ready to embrace the fullness of their lives and long held dreams that they’ve spent decades pushing to the back burner.
We’ve strategized everything from self-acceptance and enough-ness to the logistics of launching an online course.
And do you know what every single one of my clients has had in common despite the wide variety of circumstances, ages, and goals?
Every single person I work with has these two things in common:
They know that there is more out there for them.
They know that they have more to give.
Here’s why I point this out to you:
Fulfillment in our lives hinges on the balance of having enough and giving enough.
Abundance AND generosity.
Intake and output.
Consumption and contribution.
The balance is critical.
And this is never more true than when we feel surrounded by limits.
Limits on mobility. Limits on income or prospects. Limits on time or possibility.
Limits trigger our scarcity mindset and we start shutting things down, start closing ourselves off, start pulling back our ideas.
This is natural.
Let me horrify anyone who actually knows and understands neurobiology here and waaaayyyy oversimplify things:
Our brains love fear. Fear is something it knows what to do with.
Where there is fear, there are fewer choices, fewer responsibilities, fewer nuances to deal with.
When fear shows up, we have but 3 options: fight it tooth and nail, freeze and hope it all goes away, or run for the hills and never look back.
Any of which might well be the wise move when dealing with saber-toothed tigers, depending on the specifics, but less so when figuring out how to build fulfilling lives and healthy relationships.
But since our brains are super cozy with fear, it is often true that we’re attracted to it, and to the thoughts that trigger it.
Yes, I know fear is a weird thing to call a comfort zone, but well…it is.
So we feed it and nurture it and make sure it has everything it needs.
We remind ourselves of all the ways things could go wrong and start in on the business of cutting off all possible channels to pain or loss or struggle.
Not realizing, of course, that that is precisely what often creates a whole different set of channels to pain and loss and struggle.
Look.
To be human is to experience these things.
There is pretty much no way to live a life free from any suffering at all.
This is extra true if you live a life full of connection and engagement and relationship and community, if you chase dreams and follow your curiosity and take the chances necessary to unlock doors and climb over obstacles.
But.
If you can manage that fear, if you can remind yourself that thoughts are actually NOT truths, that you don’t have to be cowed and kept small by the sentences your brain comes up with to protect its BFF Fear, then it’s possible to fully embrace the moments of deep abundance between those inevitable moments of loss or pain or struggle.
Stay with me here…it’s all coming together, I promise...
Having enough and giving enough— this is where the magic lies.
How do we have enough?
We look for it.
We look for it everywhere, all the time.
But how do we look for it?
Gratitude.
Go ahead and roll your eyes, I don't mind. I know this word is overused. I know every trite advice column talks about gratitude journals and lists and that maybe the word has begun to lose its meaning for you.
That doesn’t make it less true or less useful a tool.
Here’s the trick of it—
Definitely look for gratitude in the beautiful moments, and by all means— please, please look for and notice those beautiful moments. Soak them in. Feel grateful down to your bones for the ways ease and plenty are present in your life.
But don’t forget to be grateful for your pain, too. Don’t forget to be grateful for the moments you wish would end, the ones that break you down, bring you to your knees, crack you open.
Because they show you where the abundance lies as well.
There is no grief without loss, no loss without hope or having or connection or possibility. To have lost something is to have had it in some way, even if that way was ephemeral.
Struggle shows us our resilience, our growth, our strength and vulnerability and humanness. It connects us and creates compassion and empathy and understanding.
There is so much to be grateful for in our dark moments.
This gratitude doesn’t lessen our pain and it doesn’t make it easier to bear in the moment.
But do it anyway.
It matters.
It’s precisely how we keep fear from shutting down every possibility, every channel to connection, to contribution, to love, to vulnerability.
It’s how we keep showing up even knowing that there is risk involved.
How do we give enough?
You choose, with intention, how you can contribute, what you can contribute.
Then you do it.
And you allow it to be enough.
Then you move forward and you look around, and you choose, with intention, how you can contribute, what you can contribute.
Then you do it.
And you allow it to be enough.
Again. And again. And again.
Sometimes these contributions are big and shiny— books written, classes taught, donations made, children raised, parents cared for, etc etc etc.
Often these contributions are more subtle— an encouraging word, a gift given, an inclusive smile, a passing compliment, an honest opinion, etc etc etc.
We own them.
We value them.
We allow them to be enough and then we move forward and look for our next chance.
All day. Every day.
We find gratitude. We contribute. We keep going.
We find gratitude.
We contribute.
We keep going.
If you’re looking for more, if you’re looking to give more, but you’re not sure what that looks like for you or how to bring the vision you’ve been holding close to your heart to life, let’s talk.
I have 2 slots left for Momentum Sessions in May and am now booking June sessions. I also have space for 1-2 more 90-day clients and I would love to work with you. I would love to support you as you embrace the shifts and new habits to create your most fulfilling life.
To feel in charge of your time, your choices, your life.
I would love to hold you to your potential, to hold you to your dreams.
I’ve long been a fan of this Chinese proverb:
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”
What can you do today to begin planting your tree?
There’s something— find it. Do it.
It doesn’t have to be big, it just has to get done.
You’ve got this.
Stay curious out there, my friend.